Today was bad news into good news. I woke to a txt that you had been rushed to a hospital in London, St Georges in Tooting, & was informed you had emergency surgery at 6am. The nurses had detected at 11pm last night that something wasnt right, they were concerned as your pupils were very dilated which is a sign of pressure & swelling of the brain. They made the decision to transfer u to a specialist hospital with a surgeon who worked miracles as St Georges is one of very few hospitals with a hyper-acute stroke unit , the hospital offers specialist care to alot of trauma medical emergencies. Laura tells me that the footballer Muamba was transferred to St Georges in his trauma & look how inspiring his story his is!! :) The consultant said it is so very rare they have available beds in there Neurological ICU (Atkinson Morley ward ICU) & that Worthings Drs worked extremely hard to secure you the best care. It took a long time for them to secure the place & get you stable to move in an ambulance, your mama was so impressed u were granted full blues & twos all the way to London babe. Your mama had stayed with you that evening & was again going to sleep by your side, Alli was with you as soon as she knew you were in trouble. They held your hands through their fears & spoke positively to you, gave you courage & strength & let you know to not fear. You sadly had a fit & they stayed strong & held you whilst you calmed, they were so amazing & stayed with you until the final moments when you were taken away. You almost immediately went into surgery in London & were operated on for approx two & a half hours. The operation was to reduce the swelling on your brain by removing a crescent shaped part of your skull on the right hand side. You have had skin grafted over this & your skull will stay slightly open for six months & then you will have a metal plate put in so you will be setting off all those airport detectors when we go away! We have been told you will have to wear a protective helmet for those six months that your skull is open, this made Laura talk of the head brace you used to have as a teenager, same as Sam! Its so very sad, Sam & Laura are in Iceland and have still not been told, they are home tomorrow so we will focus on them & be together at mums in the evening. We are all so dis-believing & coping in such different ways. Poor Michael is just so sensitive & feels so massively positive for you but has alot of fear himself in how he feels. He questions whether he is allowed to feel sad as he should be being strong bless him. Joss has been in to see you & said you looked so much better than yesterday & when he told you he loved you, you managed to squeeze his hand even through ur weariness. That had everyone in tears of hope & love. His family have been so amazingly kind & have all been praying for you & lighting candles, they have called on all their family members to pray for you too. So very special & loving, all around the world you are being thought of. 
With Evelyn having her contact time with Roger it was a good time for the girls to get some rest. Your mum just hasnt slept & we have been worried for her. For a family of food lovers we have all struggled to eat but Kaylea went to Sainsburys & brought heaps of lovely foods & plated it up so noone had an option to excuse eating today. We have been thinking of you every minute of the day & sending so much love & positive thoughts to you. Your mum said through her tears that we will savour today as a good day. You are again out of a critical condition & fighting so hard & we are beyond proud of your abilities through such trauma. Your body is brilliant really & has shown obvious signs of stress or strength to help the nurses assess you. You are still able to move slightly even after the consultant said he cant promise you will regain movement on your left side, well you mums wise words are " We will prove you wrong, she will prove you wrong." We arent naive to the strain your body has been put through & we know that it will be a slow process but we are all here for you & its amazing really the closeness you realise your family has in times like this. You would be so happy Carly, we have all stayed so well in each others presence. We are supporting each other & even in times of our own sadness & weak spirit we are all easily lifted by another. Your dad has been with you today so your mum can get much needed sleep tonight in order to be bright for visiting tomorrow. All the girls are heading up with Joss to see you tomorrow as Evelyn will be a nursery with Grace & me, Joey & mama will be picking her up for some fun up the field with Jaspey boo & the horses. Joss has been honest with the girls about what to expect, you have a lot of machines working for you just now to ease your brains tasks of having to function your body. U have a breathing tube in & are sedated due to this & to promote sleep & rest. The sedatives will apparently induce amnesia which sounds distressing but for now its what your body needs & Im glad almost that you will not remember any trauma you may be feeling. Your emotions to this have been a great worry to me but as you have been sedated you will be finding it hard to attach emotions to the trauma so in a way thats great. (Wikipedia has been a great source to me this week, it really is amazing the research you can retrieve of this site!!). I have been told also that your piercings are still in but your plugs were taken out so Alli put on list of items for your bag, a new pair of plugs as you would hate for the nurses to see your cats bums!! hehe. All us girls plus Jaspey were at your mums today just talking & smiling of thoughts of you. Laura was talking of getting you into the olympics in Brazil & you have three years to train but still have not chosen your sport, what would it be?? We were laughing at little tales we remembered & as you had your hair shaved on the left side of your head we all discussed shaving ours to be like you & create a fundraiser to gain funds for any therapy you may need or maybe even another Florida trip next year, Im not so into this quest but Kaylea, Alli & Lorraine have all said they would so remind them of that wont you!! Jasper slept for over an hour on Laura, she felt so lucky for this but when he awoke he found the bloody noisy motorbike. It was so amusing us talking & seeing him creeping up the dining hall so slowly with his weight stopping it & the noise over powering our chat. Laura says you hated this bike & hid it on so many occasions. haha! Evelyn came back from Rogers & was so happy to see her Jaspey & Lella then Grace was due to be picked up. The kids played & Jasper showed Evelyn the birds he saw in the garden. See pics ( and excuse the pink dressing gown-he matched nanny today-but we all had a slouchy pj day & he wanted Darceys gown not his*) I have felt such exhaustion today & once I got home this evening I just needed some time alone & went for a walk on the beach front. It was dark & freezing cold but I so needed that time & after sitting looking at the sea & regaining my positive thoughts I went home feeling lifted. Mum had a txt from her friend Chris saying that she saw Nan & Grampy with you, she hadnt been told by this point of your stroke. It was so overwhelming to hear so made me burst a little with my emotions but I write this with light again knowing you are being looked after so well & with such love & light embracing you. We are fortunate for the amazing team of Drs, nurses & specialists who are keeping you so well. Love & light sweetheart**

Today has been a waiting game for u honey, and for us. You had another CT scan at 2am this morning so that the results could be processed & ready for the Dr this morning for him to be able to study & reseach the results. We are yet to hear much about this scan as alot is looked into. We do know that the medication you were put on to thin your blood & prevent clots is working & we were told that your stroke was a severe, strong form. They have not identified which type of stroke u had yet, they are working on that & are working on the prevention of another. Alli stayed with you in the night & u answered her questions of if you were too warm & u managed to communicate that u prefered to have the window open as we all know hospitals are stupidly hot. Alli said you had moments that you were eyes wide open fully aware & listening but your body is extremely exhausted babe so you didnt respond much but its there, your there. Your hand is being a bit of a twat & wanted to retract but Alli has now become your sister, nurse & physio, she is so intelligent & has been relaying the smallest details that she hears to everyone who asks & each visit from a Dr or physio she learns more & is starting your therapy already by massaging your hands & constantly talking to you really to keep u aware. She is really so strong. We are so proud of your fighting spirit & your body is working so hard to recover. You are just doing amazing & we know it will be a day by day thing & today has been again an impatient one for us desperate to hear news & see you but thats our stresses. We are all praying for u & u would laugh but me & Laura were even discussing how we havent ever gone to church but how drawn we feel to going to a service to pray, muppets aye!! I dropped Jaspey at nursery & went up to mums & met Lau, Alli & the the girlies up the field. They ran with the dogs & was so amusing seeing Evelyn trying to use the ball thrower thingy! Everytime she got the ball in the hole it would drop out when she tried to chuck, I have a video she tried about ten times before she finally got it. She then fed Chloe & Bonnie lots of grass & was amazingly brave with Gracey & each fed the horses with help. They were so chuffed with themselves (the word chuffed reminds me of u, how stupid is that, just can imagine u the way u say chuff, loser..) They then totally suckered Auntie Liz, she is so easilly played hehe, "Auntie Liz can we watch your tv!!" and of they went. Us girls spoke of u & it was all positive good conversation that needs to be spoken as we know u Carly, we know ur a fighter & a trooper. We are willing to do all we need to do to aid your recovery as u have absolutely blessed our lives with ur crazy dare I say nut nut personality & beautiful character. I miss u. We were due to meet Tuesday afternoon & I was so looking forward to a good moan, giggle & catch up with u, we did that well & will do that soon & i will moan about u to your face about how u have made me eat cake & crisps for dinner for two nights. You are now able to eat actually & mum had made a soup so shipped some of that off to u (hope u got to enjoy it). We did have to laugh as Laura said Alli told u when u were nil by mouth that its the most stupid idea u have ever had to achieve some weight loss & win the detox diet hehe. Anyway off we went into mums & the girls played for a little bit & then both in sync needed a poop. They both stayed with each other whilst one after the other they done the stinky business, my god ur kid can crank out some odour, they had the door shut just giggling & talking so we had to keep putting our heads in to check on them, it was torture haha. Then i totally got suckered into the touch your toes, mummy mode. I didnt realise they could both wipe their own bums the little monsters. They washed there hands & got ready to leave. Evelyn was attatched to Darceys scarf I was wearing so she went home happy that she had a big girl scarf on, bless her. She also gave me a fur cone she found in her coat pocket & huge kisses. I love her so much Carly. She is such a brilliantly good girl & so loving. I promised her we will have a craft day & we can collect some more fur cones & paint them all different colours, they both loved the idea of this so thats a plan for next week. Evelyn was off with Lau & Joss to come see you darling. I dont know how the visit went as I havent been able to speak to Lau, I napped whilst Grampy ran around like a loon with a manically over tired Jaspey. Kaylea came to see you tonight as she will be in with you in the morning so your mum can shower & get Evelyn ready for her time with Roger. She is coping well considering she has hardly slept, she insists on being with you always & that is her role she is comfortable with & wants. Kaylea rang me elated at her time with you. When she arrived you were extremely sleepy & for a while Lorraine & Kaylea chatted quietly with each other to let you rest. You woke slightly on & off & each time Kaylea held your hand encouraged by your awareness. Lorraine showed Kaylea how to massage your left hand & uncurl it as you are most comfortable with it retracted & in a tight fist but this isn’t good for your hand & so they stretch it out for you, you were pretty determined on this occasion to just keep it curling up in a ball though. Kaylea witnessed your mum be so amazing, sensitive & peaceful with you & your condition. She made sure your comfortable & is attentive with offering you water & kind words. So truly blessed to have your hear them and acknowledge them. On her visit they had to leave for a bit so the nurses could attend to you, you had thrashed around a bit trying to get comfty & your catheter had come out so they replaced this & your bedding. Kaylea entered the room on your right side & asked you to wake up for her. You fluttered your eyes, you got one eye open & Kaylea said I love you nut nut & u nodded in recognition. She chatted away to you & you slid your arm around her bum & tapped her. She said you were having a good grope & u nodded but carried on & got harder. Kaylea then realises you wanted a cuddle, she lent in & you hugged her so tight for ages. She was so so happy you knew who she was just by her voice. She told you she loved you so much & u nodded & put ur thumb up. Even tho you were so massively tired you managed to say night night nut nut, this made the girls giggle as it was such a mouthful of a sentence u managed (obviously these are her words she has relayed to me**) You are showing such amazing strength.We all miss u & Im desperate to hold your hand & see you. In time sweetheart, but for now our constant visits wont benefit you. Too much stimulation will only wear you out more. We love u babe, I love you. Love & light xxx

video of smoosh & roxy*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGfnzDaUFZU&feature=youtu.be

look at how happy Jasper was with his ladybird cake before nursery**

Love is healing*

So darling Carly, I whimsically decided after the 24 hours from the news of your trauma that I would create a blog dedicated to you & Evelyn, to inform you really of what your little angel has been up whilst you were away. I want you to not miss a thing and not feel fear for her & to document the support u & her have from us & will have from many. Its beyond surreal & heartbreaking that I even write these words that you have had a stroke. Typing this & seeing it on a screen with the cursor flashing by those words I pause & hurt & am still very much stunned and in shock. You have been so very strong today. A physio came to see you and u managed to move every limb slowly and weak but very much a movement that the physio could detect, this was amazing to hear. You are having hourly observations & are on specific medications & the stroke team are from what I hear so very good & thorough. Laura & Joss came to see you too & even though u are so fatigued you managed to communicate with Laura that you were uncomfortable with your feet covered up in blankets, sisterly bond & instinct but Laura knew that would bother you as soon as she saw it & u managed to tell her babe. My brain is scattered so this may fall randomly on the page but bare with me. Evelyn & Laura slept in this morning, something smoosh never does with you huh!! Alli was with them & they entertained themselves, had food & dressed & then we all turned up to your house to be with one another, the bond so magically united & feeling so overwhelming that we all feel such shock & turmoil but we can still hold one another with courage, positivity and much much light. Grace was there also when I arrived & the girls were making pictures for you on old envelopes & Evelyn was doodling & saying what she was writing aloud, her words were, "love u mummy you silly woll falling off the stairs!". Her explanation to me was silly mummy was running thats why we shouldnt run on the stairs as we might fall and the policeman will take you to hospital, she was having none of it that they were actually paramedics treating you. The girls were so content with being together so that felt good. Your mum came home from the hospital & to update everyone so I took Evelyn & Grace to the shops to treat them to a peppa pig magazine & starburst* We done jumping games & slow motion running all the way home & the girls giggled so brightly. They got a little net & bugs with there magazines so they played with those a while & done stickering. Then they had some snacks, all naughty bar the grapes really but hey ho. Then we put Pinocchio on & hearing the girls trying to say Pinocchio really did lift everyone for a moment. They just could not get it & Evelyns cherub soft voice was just so animated knowing she was making us laugh & Grace relished in entertaining everyone but genuinally could not say it. We had a few zoney moments so us girls, Lau, Joss, Kaylea & Nick all snuggled on your sofa with the leopard print blanket & talked about pinocchio & colours we knew. Grace helped me make tea & coffee whilst Evelyn enjoyed cuddles with Nick, he really is very good with her bless him. Then Lells came home from school & was very distracted by my ipad & was so for the whole afternoon which was fine as he too was very sleepy & quiet. Then it was coats, hats & scarves on again to go pick up Jasper from nursery. Evelyn was so excited & kept saying my Jaspey boo* Dad came with us & chucked the girls in the air & pretended they were rockets until he was sweaty!! Then all the bubbas walked home holding hands & giggling. They got straight in & played so gently & nicely even though they were cranky tired by this point but refusing rest. Somehow Evelyn managed to hide from Grace under dads jumper, it was so amusing & the girls took turns in hiding up dads jumper, it was good fun for them especially when they saw how stretched they had made Uncle Mart's jumper hehe. Evelyn needed the toilet so I sat on the stairs talking with her whilst she went & we spoke about why Jasper doesnt get to go to her big girl school. She is so very sweet about her Jaspey & melts my heart. We then went & got her bag ready for a fun sleepover with Laulau & Jossy wossy (her words)* She picked her clothes & they were so co-ordinated, too cute. She was so fine with going to Laura & Joss's, shes been such a good girl all day & has given amazing big cuddles & tisses. She ate so well at dinner time that she finished her whole plate of pasta that my mum cooked, all the kids cleared their plates & got high fives & Evelyn had a swollen little belly over her tights. She happily said her goodbyes & went off to Lau's. Alli is with you tonight & they will still be doing the hourly observations. Its a stress as you need sleep and are so fatigued but you also need the obs too. I hope you sleep well honey. I hope you can imagine how much love we are sending & how nans way has shaped us to be the most amazingly courageous, strong family. You will get through this, we are all with you every step. The what ifs dont matter & the injustice & anger that this has effected you can wait, for now, we are all with you, we are controlling the situation so well really. Joss has been so unbelievably amazing, a hero for sure, Alli's strength is an inspiration but we know she too needs comfort. We are all devastated of course & that doesnt even need to be written, its a given, but we haved found strength in Evelyns cheery smile & the positive news we are getting every few hours. Your mum has been with you but needs to rest tonight, your dad came also & Laura has shown her huge strength through her immense pain. U are her best friend, her everything, and she even told me "she's my one, shes my best friend, my everything. Were so close shes even seen my minnie & put her finger in my bottom!!" Its been an odd day Carly & a very painful one. We love you. I love you. Love & light to you sweetheart**